


Take a Back Seat (Slow Down)

by acedavestrider



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bulges and Nooks, Consensual Sex, First Time, M/M, No Tentacles, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, i say vaginal but i really mean troll nooks wink wonk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 08:48:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16092161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acedavestrider/pseuds/acedavestrider
Summary: You allow yourself the pleasure of grasping onto Karkat’s bare thighs, his skin soft beneath your hands. You can see and feel every breath he takes as you consider his hips, his legs, the sensitive inner skin of his thighs. He gasps when you skim an experimental finger over the slit of his nook and you smile at the sound. You want to hear more.





	Take a Back Seat (Slow Down)

**Author's Note:**

> this is only my second time writing smut so blease be gentle with me lmao

You’ve been avoiding dealing with Karkat’s dick, or his bulge or whatever stupid alien word he has for it, for at least a month now, and you think he’s starting to notice. It’s not that you’re not totally psyched to jump his bones ASAP, you just have no idea how to maneuver your way around alien physiology and especially not around sexy alien physiology. You’ve tried asking Rose for help as a fellow sexually active alien lover but she hasn’t offered any advice beyond suggestive eyebrow wiggling and a reminder to be aware of trolls’ sharp fingernails and even sharper teeth. It was not helpful. 

Now, several months into your relationship, you can tell Karkat is starting to get antsy. Between hurtling through space on a meteor, defeating Lord English, beating Sburb, and then settling into your place on the new planet, you’ve had plenty of excuses for not deflowering your boyfriend. Now that things have calmed down, you’ve started to run out of ways to avoid the topic. You and Karkat have officially moved in together, and share a small house near John’s. You sleep in the same bed most nights despite having different rooms, and if you don’t fuck him soon you think you’re both going to lose your minds. 

You just have no idea what the fuck you’re doing. You never managed to have sex with anyone on Earth, what with the entire universe being destroyed when you were thirteen, and you feel like a floundering, hapless virgin when it comes to Karkat. The first time he kissed you sent you into an entire sexuality crisis complete with a depressive, self-deprecating spiral and you can’t imagine how your brain will react to something deeper than that. 

You just want it to be good for him. Even though Alternia was a majorly fucked up, backwards ass society, you don’t think Karkat was having sex at thirteen either, and as far as you know this is his first real relationship, too. You don’t want to fuck it up, scare him into never touching you again or accidentally cause him to break up with you or something. 

Karkat’s the kind of guy who wants some kind of huge, romantic gesture that ultimately results in you getting into his unusually high pants. You’re talking rose petals, a glass of red wine, Kenny motherfucking G playing in the background, perfect music for debauchery and coitus. No fumbling, no hesitant hands or blushy fucking cheeks, just good, wholesome, R-rated fucking. That’s what he deserves and that’s what you’re going to give him, god dammit. 

A little help may be required. 

Luckily for you, this new planet is equipped with a fully functional Internet and you have at least five internet-capable devices on you at all times, like a sensible person. You start to do some research, in secret, to make your way through the dense fog and confusing terminology that is the science of troll genitalia.

The diagrams and explanations you find are about as unsexy as they come, a bunch of health class type paragraphs that show all the major functions of troll junk. You squint at them the first time you see them, expecting things to look more… alien? You were imagining tentacles or something but everything is surprisingly human-like, with little difference other than the fact that trolls have both sets of junk regardless of their gender, which is new and strange but not something you particularly care about. You merely shrug at this new information and move on, searching for less info about science and more about pleasure, the good shit, How To Make Your Troll Come 101. You’re new in class and you got lost on the first day but now you show up early every morning, pencil at the ready to draw as many alien dicks as you need to in order to figure out how to seduce your boyfriend. Your GPA is un-fucking-paralleled and you’re top of the class, you know so much about troll genitalia by the end of the semester that you’re basically an expert. The professor quits their job because they can’t match your troll junk intellect and the school hires you on the spot. Your class now. 

You learn a lot of new stuff over the course of a few weeks, from what shame globes actually are to how to stimulate them in the best possible way. You find a couple of blogs online and maybe watch a couple of videos and maybe let your hands drift during those videos, for purely educational purposes of course. Apparently, trolls make a lot of noise during sex and it’s important to know which sounds mean what. Clicking is good, purring even better, but any sort of deep, raspy sound is a sign that you’re probably about to be attacked. That’s good to know, that’s important, you don’t want to be feeling up your boyfriend thinking your technique is hot shit when in reality he’s seconds away from biting your head off. 

You start to feel overwhelmed when you get more into the sexual aspect of things; there’s a lot going on for trolls downstairs and you’re having trouble navigating between the excessive basement furniture. You’re bumping into old Christmas decorations and boxes of baby stuff, about to fall face first onto the floor all comically like you’re in some sort of silent movie. You need to do some reorganization, maybe get a storage unit somewhere, if you want to get anything done. You buckle down one afternoon in your room, headphones plugged in just in case you find any interesting videos, and scour through all the troll porn you can find. Which is a lot. 

An hour passes before you think you have a handle on what trolls need in the bedroom. It’s all a matter of multitasking, of stimulating different things at different times, and sometimes simultaneously. You’ve gotta deal with a troll dick, a troll vagina, a troll G-spot, and troll grub scars all at once and you wonder for a moment how trolls can get anything done with only two hands. 

Then you’re sitting at your desk rock hard, with a word document full of info from advice columns, blogs, and videos on how to fuck your boyfriend, and you’re not sure what to do. You guess the first thing on the list is to jack off while you can so you’re not unbelievably hot and bothered when Karkat gets home, and you do so enthusiastically to one of the videos you’d come across earlier. It’s some sort of confusing, quadrant-spanning threesome with two dudes and a chick, complete with a cheesy pseudo-plotline that doesn’t make any sense. You have to skip through eleven whole minutes just to get to the good stuff, one headphone removed from your ear just in case Karkat gets home early. You finish so quickly that the thought of getting caught barely crosses your mind, and you sigh against your desk chair in satisfaction.

You have no idea how you’re going to breach this topic with Karkat, how you’re going to get him to shut up for five seconds so you can have sex with him. You can already imagine the clusterfuck of an attempt you would make, desperately trying to get Karkats pants off as he ranted and raved about something that irritated him that day. You would watch on hopelessly, tears streaming down your face from your terminal case of blue balls, and you would eventually die trying to unzip Karkat’s pants, all in vain. 

You think about it for a few days, considering all the possible ways you could make this happen. A romantic, candlelit dinner at a nice restaurant might be a good place to start, but Karkat would be instantly suspicious if you randomly suggested a date, and you’d never be able to play it off without giving yourself away. You don’t think you’d want to fuck on a full stomach anyways. 

You guess you could always surprise him, lay down some flower petals in a trail leading to your bedroom. Karkat would come home from work and see them, then follow the petals into your room where you’d be lying naked on your mattress, perhaps with a large flower obscuring your dick. That could work, you think for half a second, until you consider the possibility of Karkat not only hating the flower petals, but also potentially slipping on them, legs flailing dramatically. You get a mental image of him writhing on the floor in pain, back broken and spine irreparably fractured. The fear is illogical and ridiculous, but all too real, and you nix the idea before it can go any further. 

Those are the only things you think of. When you finally ask Rose for help, desperate for some sort of direction, she gives you the only good advice she’s ever offered thus far - to let it come naturally. You make a joke about the word “come,” but take her advice to heart nonetheless. You guess it’s all you can really do; your only other idea was to ask him outright, which Rose instantly rejected the moment you told her about it. 

It annoys you to find that she’s right. You don’t have to perform any unnecessarily grand gesture, or make a huge ass out of yourself trying to ask Karkat for his dick like a fucking idiot. It does come naturally, and all you have to do is give Karkat a little push. 

It starts with your usual goodnight kiss in bed, except this time you don’t just leave it at that. You can feel Karkat’s mild surprise and enthusiasm as you trail after his lips for more, throwing an arm over his hip to pull him towards you. He complies eagerly, the sheets wrinkling and tangling beneath him as he pushes his body against yours, warmth pressing into your chest. You can feel his smile on your lips. 

While you’re incredibly content to make out with Karkat for an indeterminate amount of time, you and all the blood rushing to your crotch have other ideas. You sidle a sly hand underneath Karkat’s shirt, nails drawing goosebumps across his hip. You think about tweaking a nipple just to get him privy to your intentions, and your hand wanders up his chest to do so until you remember that trolls don’t have nipples. You nip at his bottom lip with your teeth instead, and he responds with a sweet noise at the back of his throat like a suppressed groan. 

You sit up fully, bringing him with you, and he settles into the open space of your lap. The pressure of his body against your lower half muddles your thoughts, and you try to get your shit together long enough to remember what you’re trying to do. You give the bottom of Karkat’s t-shirt a tug as a warning before attempting to pull it off, trying to get things going. The article momentarily gets stuck on his head, the motion not as smooth as you would like, but after a bit of maneuvering you manage to get it off. Karkat is looking at you with a wild expression, a question lingering in his gaze. He stares you down for a moment with his expressive, multicolored eyes, yellow dotted with red. The sexy grin you try to pull off comes out as a shy smile as you let yourself look up and down Karkat’s bare torso. You try to keep your hands to yourself until you remember that you don’t have to, and press a palm into his chest, trailing your hand down his front to where his belly button should be. Your curl your hands over his sides and press the tips of your fingers into his grub scars, prominent and deep red against his light grey skin. His stomach clenches as you cease the movement of your hands at the waistband of his sweatpants, and you look up to meet his eyes. 

“Look,” you start, a little breathless at what you’re about to say. “I know it’s been like a hundred fucking years and I’ve been giving you blue balls for months now, but if you’re down so am I.” 

Karkat considers this for a second before breathing out a sigh of relief. “Thank fucking god,” he says loudly. “I was starting to think I was giving off some sort of unbearable stench that was only detectable by humans and made you want nothing to do with my confusing alien genitalia. All this time I was convinced that my mutant biology was too much for you and you were avoiding it like the fucking plague.” 

“No, babe,” you laugh. “I want everything to do with your confusing troll parts, if you know what I mean.” 

“Are you sure?” he asks, voice still hesitant. “I can guarantee you that they’re way more involved than your basic human genitals. I’ve seen more complicated things on the instructions for an electric toothbrush.” 

“Yeah, humans are pretty user-friendly,” you agree with a nod. “You sound like you’ve been doing research.” 

“As if you haven’t,” he spits at you, and he’s so fucking right. 

“So… are we doing this?” you ask for clarification. 

“Yes, Dave,” Karkat deadpans. Then he adds, in an enduring tone, “We’re making this happen.” 

“God,” you say, “you’re so…” But you’re not able to finish as Karkat captures your lips and swallows the rest of your words before you can continue. You happily lean into his mouth and press your tongue against his lips until he opens them for you with a small groan. You never got the chance to kiss anyone back on Earth, and you and Karkat have learned how to do so together over the past year or so. He’s a damn good kisser now, and you could kiss him for days, but you’re more interested in other activities.  

You separate for just a moment to wrangle your own shirt off, and your mouths reconnect as soon as the article is removed. Karkat’s hands explore your skin, splaying over your chest before dragging down your torso. His fingers glide curiously over your scars, your belly button, the lines of your abdominal muscles, trying to touch as much of you as he can. You can’t help the vowel that escapes from your mouth when he slides his hands back up your chest to pinch at one of your nipples, and he grins against your lips. He’s  _ definitely  _ been doing research. 

Your lower half begs for attention as you start to stave off your nerves and actually enjoy the feeling of Karkat’s body on yours. You push your hips up into him, seeking more pressure, and Karkat hisses into your mouth, responding eagerly. He takes a firm hold of your hips and grinds down on you with purposeful intent, the thin fabric of his sweatpants leaving nothing to the imagination. To get them off, you have to alter your position and push Karkat down onto his back to gently tug his waistband down. He lifts his hips to accommodate the motion, but pauses before you can fully remove the pants to get a look at the goods. He clamps his hands over yours to stop you. 

“Don’t freak out,” he warns. 

“I’m not gonna freak out,” you promise. “I’ve seen enough troll porn in the last two weeks that I’m basically completely desensitized to anything you might have down there. The fifty-seventh Prime Minister of Japan Shinzo Abe could be in your pants and I’d just fucking go with it.” 

Karkat’s eyes widen. “What in the sweet shitting fuck did you just say?” 

“Nothing,” you say quickly. “Forget it.” 

Before Karkat can protest, you pull his pants off and toss them onto the floor in one fluid movement. You were lying just a little bit when you said you were used to troll junk, and you have to take a moment to yourself to just… look at him. 

It’s different in person. The bulges and nooks you encountered in your pornographic expedition were exaggerated and intimidating, but Karkat’s are exceptionally normal looking to you. The same smooth, hairless grey skin that covers the rest of his body glistens under your gaze, tinted pink in a heated flush. His bulge is erect and prominent, his nook almost hidden between shy legs. Maybe a few weeks ago you would’ve been confused and freaked out like Karkat feared, but all of your research must have been worth something. It’s like you’ve completely skipped over any fear or hesitation and moved right to being excited and turned on instead. A hot jolt shoots into the center of your stomach at the sight of him, and aches for more. 

You allow yourself the pleasure of grasping onto Karkat’s bare thighs, his skin soft beneath your hands. You can see and feel every breath he takes as you consider his hips, his legs, the sensitive inner skin of his thighs. He gasps when you skim an experimental finger over the slit of his nook and you smile at the sound. You want to hear more. 

Another slide up his nook makes his back arch, just enough for you to notice. He closes his eyes at your ministrations and you rub him slowly, gently, spreading him with two fingers without pushing in just yet. Karkat gets up on his elbows to kiss you, and you busy your other hand with his bulge. You didn’t have the chance to read up on handjob techniques, so you just do what you know you like. You start at the shaft and pull up with your hand, adding more pressure as you slide up to the tip. It seems to be the right thing to do, as Kakart hisses an expletive into your mouth. 

Warm fingers snake into your own pajama pants and you try not to jerk at the feeling of Karkat’s hands on you. You lean over him, one hand propped on the mattress for balance, and try to keep your motions between his legs steady. You have to completely remove yourself from him to take the rest of your clothes off, and your body aches for the warmth and comfort of him the moment you pull away. 

Reconnected, you resume stroking him, moving your attention back and forth between his bulge and nook. You read somewhere that you probably wouldn’t need any lube and you’d found that absurd at the time, but the unbelievable amount of liquid already leaking out of Karkat’s nook has confirmed that fact. Soon your hand becomes drenched in what you guess is his genetic material, pale pink and the consistency of water, and you use the liquid to ease a gentle finger inside of him. 

Karkat’s lips falls away from yours as his head tilts backwards, mouth open in a silent gasp. “Fuck,” he grinds out.

“Good or bad?” you ask, just to be sure. 

“Good,” he says. He grips a hand onto your shoulder. “So fucking good.” 

He emphasizes his point by giving your dick a firm stroke, thumbing the slit at the top. Your stomach clenches at the feeling and your hand shakes with arousal as you push your finger further into Karkat’s nook. It slides in and out easily and you make a few experimental curls of your finger to try and get to his globes. You think you find them after a few tries, as Karkat’s back arches off the bed and a loud groan bursts from his mouth. 

“I knew you were doing research,” he mutters. 

You grin. “Had to learn the best techniques for you, babe.” 

He snorts out a laugh that quickly becomes a whine as you crook your finger again, grazing against his globes. You busy your lips with his, sucking and biting while your hands explore each other. Karkat eagerly bucks into you as you push into him even more, adding a second finger, then a third. He presses his hips up against you each time you pull your fingers out, and you start to hear a whirring, rumbling sound pick up in his chest. A good sign. 

Your skin starts to prickle in hot bursts, sweat gathering on your forehead and palms. Your hips snap into Karkat’s hand as he speeds up his strokes, and pressure starts to build in the pit of your stomach until Karkat suddenly pulls away. He puts a hand on your wrist to still your movements between his legs. 

“Can I try something?” he asks.

You take a deep breath as a million possibilities play in your head. “Yeah.” 

“Get on your back,” he instructs, and the sentence alone sends a electric burst straight to your crotch.  

You comply and lie down, your arms and shoulders thankful for the relief. Karkat crawls over to you, a little shy, and settles himself onto your hips, a leg on either side of you. You have a dizzy, blurry idea of what he’s intending to do, and try to shove down the residual nerves squirming inside your chest. 

“Is this okay?” he asks as he positions himself over you, his nook unbearably close. 

You nod, unable to speak, and Karkat slowly,  _ slowly _ , pushes you inside of him. 

Heat crackles over your skin, the hairs on your arms and the back of your neck raising at the new sensations cascading over your body. It takes Karkat a few agonizingly long moments to settle fully onto you but soon his hips are seated on top of yours, a perfect fit. You try to hold in the noises building up in your throat, but a groan escapes from your mouth anyways. Your hands grasp at Karkat in concentration, your body crying out for movement, for friction. You resist the urge to move, trying to let him adjust so you don’t hurt him, and the wait feels like an eternity. 

Karkat clenches around you for a moment and then finally relaxes, his hands pressed into your sides for balance. A soft sigh escapes from his mouth and he leans back to get a better angle, throat exposed as his head falls back. He closes his eyes.

“Move,” is all he says, and you’re more than happy to do so. 

You drive your hips up in an experimental thrust, reveling in the surprised sound that tumbles out of Karkat’s mouth. He lifts himself off of you momentarily, leaving an aggravatingly small amount of you erection still encapsulated by his body, before grinding back down with a reinvigorated purpose. An expletive finds its way to the tip of your tongue from deep in your chest, and you let it out in a burst of hot breath. Karkat smiles and repeats the action several times over, driving your crazy. 

You start to meet him in the middle, pushing up as he pushes down, searching for the spot that made him squirm earlier. When he startles and his nook clenches around you, you know you’ve found the right place, and you press against it again and again. Karkat gasps and folds at the waist, leaning over you with his hands propped on either side of your head. You look at him under heavy lids and when he opens his eyes to meet your gaze you feel it straight down your spine. 

“Dave,” he whines, voice pitched. He opens his mouth to say something else, but you interrupt him with a firm stroke of his bulge. His eyes snap shut again, bottom lip caught between his teeth. His mouth looks so enticing, so wet and swollen and pink, that you have to lean up to kiss him again. 

The change in angle makes every feeling and sensation intensify, and you let all the overwhelmed, debauched noises building up in your throat surge out of you all at once. You say Karkat’s name against his lips over and over, increasingly shaky as you feel pressure coil in your lower stomach. The hand you have on his bulge fumbles as you start to lose your rhythm, and you move to his sides to run your knuckles over his sensitive grub scars instead. The muscles of his abdomen contract from your touch, his nook clenching and unclenching around you. 

“Fuck,” he mutters into your mouth. Then again, “ _ Fuck _ .” 

You wrap your arms around him as he grinds into you, rolling his hips. He speeds up his tempo, desperation clawing at the edges of his voice as he cries out again. Red liquid seeps out of his nook and covers your pelvis, dripping between your legs and onto the sheets below you. It’s strangely arousing, seeing Karkat so turned on, and instead of worrying about your mattress you speed up your movements and push into him harder. 

“Shit,” Karkat lets out, noticing the mess he’s making. “Pail… I - do we have... ?” 

“Forget it,” you breathe. 

“But I-”

You grip harder onto Karkat’s sides and press into his grub scars to stop his sentence short and get that sweet sensation of him tightening around you again. A few more hard pushes into him and Karkat seems to forget all about the necessity of a pail, his nook quivering with the convulsions of his orgasm. Several vowels and Alternian words spill out of his mouth in rapid succession and you feel goosebumps raise all over your body, your hair standing on end. You continue your movements as Karkat rides out his high and more redness streams out of his nook and onto your skin. He kisses you, messy and uncoordinated, and the dam in your lower stomach bursts open, a release of built up pressure. You feel bursts of heat burn into your abdomen, your chest, between your legs, and the satisfying contact of Karkat still wrapped around you. You sigh into his mouth and he gives you one last, purposeful roll of his hips before slowing to an eventual stop. 

You both take a minute to catch your breath, Karkat trembling on top of you. Your fingers have turned white, still pressed into his sides, and you remove them with a shaky motion. Karkat pulls your hand up to kiss at your knuckles before threading your fingers together in between your bodies. He smiles at you, and you smile back. 

“So was that fun or what?” you ask, your voice heavy with sex and exertion. 

“Yes, I suppose I did have what you humans would consider fun,” he answers slyly, still holding your hand. “Although now we’ve made a huge fucking mess and we’re never going to get this shit out of your sheets. Anyone who comes over from now on is going to see the giant red stain in the middle of your bedspread and wonder aloud, naively, what exactly occurred to produce such a brightly colored stain. The shame and embarrassment I would feel from such a question would result in my immediate death.” 

You look down to assess the damage. “It’s not that bad.” 

“Yes it is.” 

“Okay, yeah, it’s pretty bad.” You grin at him. “But hey, it’s a pretty sexy stain at least. It’ll be a permanent reminder of what transpired here and if I ever need to get in the mood or something I can take a gander at the big love puddle you made over here and get riled up pretty much immediately.” 

“God, please don’t ever fucking speak again,” Karkat requests. “Now let go of me so I can get up.” 

You comply and watch as Karkat takes a deep breath and closes his eyes before using your body as leverage to remove himself from you. He stands with a hiss and a muttered, “Fuck,” before padding into the bathroom. You hear the sink running. 

“Hey so does that much come out of you like… every time?” you ask. 

“Yeah, that’s the whole point of the pailing system,” he explains, voice echoey from the tiled bathroom walls. “Shouldn’t you know this already? I thought you were doing research.” 

“I mean yeah, but like, I didn’t know it’d be  _ that much _ ,” you say. “Are you like… dehydrated? You need a glass of water to refuel after losing that much liquid?” 

“I’m fine,” Karkat insists. “Trolls aren’t as fragile as you humans; I don’t need a million ounces of water a day just to survive.” 

He joins you back in your room with a couple of damp washcloths and you clean yourselves up as best as you can in your post-sex stupor. Your sheets can’t be salvaged, though you quickly strip your bed and throw the blankets in the washing machine before it’s really too late. It takes a lot of effort to put new sheets on you bed, especially when your legs are shaking and your heart is pounding so hard you can feel it in your fingers and toes, but together with Karkat you’re able to get it done. You lie in bed, sighing in relief, and Karkat settles into the space next to you. You wrap an arm around him. 

“So that was definitely a blast and everything, like a solid ten out of ten would recommend, but I am so fucking exhausted,” you say. 

“Well we  _ were  _ trying to go to bed earlier but then you started sticking your hands up my shirt,” Karkat reminds you. 

“Yeah, let’s actually go to sleep this time.” 

Karkat nuzzles into your side in response, sticking his nose into the crook of your shoulder. He falls asleep within a few minutes, the purring still escaping from him like noise from an electric fan. You grab your phone from your bedside table, careful not to disturb Karkat, and shoot Rose a text consisting entirely of two eggplant emojis and a thumbs up. She’ll get it. 

You curl your arms around Karkat tighter, not wanting to let him go despite being so close to him already. He unconsciously nudges closer to you and you soon fall asleep, content with the pressure against your side. 

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully this turned out alright lol i dont really have a beta reader or anything so i havent gotten a second opinion on this just yet. smuts not my strong suit but some people requested it and i figured i might as well give it a shot! 
> 
> thanks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like it!


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